Month: May 2016

I feel like if my only job was to manage my health and my diabetes I could do it properly and efficiently.

I beat my BG down to 5.8 before supper yesterday with 2+ litres of water plus my normal running around at work. 9.4 at bedtime after small snack and 4 units of Lantus. 8 this morning at 5am. Smoothie (45g) and 45 mins on the stationary bike= 10.9 then 13.3 ad hour later. (I had 1/2 unit for breakfast dose). I am angry now that it is 13 but I am trying to be gentle with myself. I can work on this.

 

OK, back on track. My BG has been high the last few days (days off from work) and I have been overeating so I am back on the stationary bike this morning. Gotta try and do 45mins.
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BG still high after 45 mins on the bike. I have a feeling part of that is still because of the beer the other night.
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Down to 10.9 before lunch. 45g at lunch and took 2 units. When I was on track with exercise it would’ve been 1/2 unit. Fuck.
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Worried I won’t be able to do the bike tour. I want a week off. I’m really tired today- high BG doesn’t help.

Had a few beers tonight (over a few hours) and now my BG is 26.2. And I’ve taken my insulin. Alcohol fucks with my system so much now. I ate and I had extra food ‘cuz the last couple times I drank my BG dropped. Not tonight.

Fuck this. I want to be normal again. I don’t want to have to think about it. I am so tired of thinking and so tired of worrying all the time.
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I’ve always wanted to be normal. I am up past bedtime drinking water, water, water to bring that BG down. I am tired of fighting with and always being surprised by my body. I feel like I can’t let go anymore, that I always have to be ‘on’.
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Is 26 the highest I’ve ever been? This is so fucked. It’s midnight now and I’m down to 20. I’ll check it overnight when I get up to pee.

This disease is so frustrating/scary/heartbreaking.

Admitting I have a disease is heartbreaking. My brain still calls it a ‘condition’.

Increase exercise=decrease insulin needs. Down to 4 units of Lantus the last two nights and it still might be too much as bedtime last night was 6.8 an hour after my snack and Lantus. I just had a second snack but am too tired to stay up to check it later, will have to do a middle-of-the-night check.

30 mins on the bike this morning. Am at work now. I’ve been exercising pretty regularly and am frustrated ‘cuz I’m not seeing any change in my body shape. I know it’s the food vs insulin fight.

And I know I am getting better at all this. Remembering that I don’t have to eat more to cover the insulin but take less and exercise… it’s tiring though.

My body feels good right now. Two mornings in a row on stationary bike. Smoothie (45g) before bike and 1/2 unit rapid. BG 10.6 right now. Just want work to go by fast.

I feel calm tonight. Turned off the tv early and bed. Gonna have to check BG when I get up to pee later ‘cuz right now I am zonked.