Month: September 2016

Emotional tonight.

Because all I could think about during the end of the meeting I was at after work was:

“My Lantus is at home, my dose is now gonna be more than 3 hrs late.” “My BG will be high because I had some cookies after dinner.” “I’m really tired right now, is that because my BG is high or because I’ve been awake since 5am?”

Pretty sure I missed most of the end of the meeting.

It’s tedious and never-ending and I don’t even want to share these thoughts ‘cuz they’re depressing. I feel overwhelmed. I know, I’ve managed so far and I’ve learned a lot.

But I really want my old life back.

 

Don’t know what I was thinking. Too much rapid with breakfast. Not a lot but should’ve just dosed what I did yesterday. Still trying to figure out the oatmeal. 9mmol 1 hr after breakfast. Leaving for work, having half a granola bar on my way (15g).

~~

Hour later and it’s still dropping- 7.3. Another 20g now. I really don’t want anything else to eat right now.

Did a bit of research on steel cut oats because the last couple of times I had it it has spiked my BG. Found out the count I had done for it was waaay off.

I had assumed it would have the same carbs as other hot cereals (3/4cup=15g). Nope. 1/2cup=25 from what I’m reading from various sites online. Hell, that explains the spikes.

~~

Ok, almost 2 hrs later and I’m at 6.7, which is great but makes me nervous, wondering if it’s going to drop more. I have to leave for work in about 30mins (11am). Planning to have lunch when I get to work at noon so really don’t want to snack now..

I hate panicking about eating/when to eat.. gonna head to work and if I feel it dropping I’ll pull over and deal..

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7.2 when I got to work. 1 unit with 45g lunch (expect working to also help lower it, as usual). But 2 hrs later it’s up to 14.4. Why? Fuck. Anyway, got it back down in the afternoon…

Up way too early. No A1C today. I had planned to go in early to do it but woke up at 4am and not getting back to sleep. I can’t sit around for 4 hrs til the lab opens and not eat or drink. I’ll do it next week. A bit pissed off but whatever.

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At lunch I dosed correctly (or thought I did) and then didn’t really do anything big (a bit of housecleaning). 2 hrs later BG is at 5.0. Not low but borderline. I don’t like borderlines, especially when I’m not doing anything big. Anyway, having a snack and I’ll check it again in a bit.

Body fakin me out today.

Thought I felt a low coming so checked 15mins before lunch- 7.2. Sometimes when I’m up early (with or without extra caffeine) my body gets this shaky feeling that makes me think ‘low’. Great.

Anyway, I had a tuna wrap from the deli for lunch and thought I estimated too much insulin (guessed on the carbs in wrap. The wrap itself was large so looking back now, I should’ve considered it 2 ‘servings’ not one), aaaannyways… 2 hrs later I’m up at 13mmol. Lots of water and tea then good at supper and 6.8 at 7:30pm when the lantus is due. Snack and recheck an hour later -8.1. Another snack cuz worried about overnight and lantus not at it’s peak yet. Too tired to think too much more tonight.

A year ago I was sick but didn’t really know it and everything was still ‘normal’ (or ‘old’ normal). I feel like I have a handle on my routine but when I think about having a disease I still feel a disconnect from it and from the idea of it. I don’t really know how to explain it. Sometimes it feels like there is a fog around me that I can’t see through, when I try and see myself.

~~

So much on my mind and I don’t feel like I can deal with any of it.

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Today was the day last year that I checked my BG for the first time. I think I remember checking it twice because I didn’t believe it. One of the nurses I was working with actually suggested it (and I had been thinking it but not really wanting to think it) because I had mentioned to her my concerns and suspicion.

Holy fuck my body has been through a lot in the last 12 months.

BG perfect this morning- 8.2 at 7am.

Then I had a late morning snack of chips. Yeah, yeah, I know. I knew it was a bad idea. This is why I can’t have snacks like this in my house.

2 1/2 hrs later it’s 19. Big correction at lunch. BG 18.6 an hour after lunch and am heading into town to run some errands. So sleepy. Fuck.

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One hour later and I’m in town and it’s 8.3. A bit of shopping etc. and about 40 mins later its 4.6.

Awesome. Yep, overcorrected at lunch.

Me, the human BG experiment.

Now I am sitting in my car in the mall parking lot having a pear. Realized I spend a fair amount of time eating in my car. Mostly done my errands but I’m not bothering with anything else today- going home.

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Mostly around 6 the rest of the day. Now it’s 14 at bedtime but that’s ok, I know it’ll come down a bit more overnight. Opening shift tomorrow at work and I am tired but wired and it’s 9:30pm. Fuck.

8.4 this morning. That’s a fair drop overnight- I wonder if I need to decrease my Lantus on late work days?

I wish I felt organized. I always feel like I’m trying to play ‘catch up’ with bills, cleaning, getting back to people about various things. I’m ‘on’ so much that I feel exhausted in my brain…

Good BG at work today. Most of this week my shift has been 10:30-7:30 and today I was mostly under 10mmol all day today. End of the shift I was 5.6 which is a little low but still in good range. I was worried because I still had to take my Lantus and drive home. So I overreacted and bought chips. 13.3 half an hour later. Whoops.

Ok, gonna do better tomorrow. Fruit or cheese and crackers for after work snack.