April 9

Did a bunch of rearranging in the apartment today- feels better, space used better.

Got a call from the Diabetes Clinic- it’s time for my annual “Team” meeting. (That’s with the diabetes specialist, the nurse and the dietician). I do look forward to these check ins but I don’t feel good about where I am right now. I feel I should be stronger and healthier but I can’t explain the exhaustion.

I could do stuff before- that first year after my diagnosis I did the fucking Glacier Challenge ride! Now, 20 minutes on the elliptical is exhausting and I have to stop 10 mins in to rest. Iron was coming up in last blood work but I still feel like crap. But it’s hard to figure out a cause for low grade ‘crappiness’.

April 3

Today was hard. I couldn’t shelter myself (does that make sense?).

I felt distant from everyone. At work I could hide it away but today the diabetes felt raw. Today was a day it caught me off- guard and hurt…

It’s 9pm and I’m exhausted and angry. Being exhausted can’t be the new normal, right? I can’t add massage back into my life when I’m like this. Exercise isn’t energizing me anymore, it’s totally wiping me out.