Month: October 2017

Slept 8hrs last night. Been sleeping lots the last few days- off work, sick with low grade stomach bug. Eating enough and staying in range, mostly sleeping and resting… what was that about being good to me? Ok, ok, taking the time now, when I need to, to rest and get better.

BG 6.1 this morning. Been doing the 5.5 for a few days now.

Am tired because I was awake early. 7.3 and I have to leave for work in 10 mins.

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Sticking with 5.5. No lows but good range today. 105 at 10pm tonight. I’m exhausted.

Dr. appt went exactly as expected. Iron has started to come up (but I have to keep doing the supplement until next round of bloodwork at least). A1C up to 8.4 (which is the highest it’s been in a year) so that and the still-low-iron account for my sometimes-dizzy spells and exhaustion.

We also discussed re-starting the vitamin D and doing things for me, being kind to myself.

Yes, ok. I can work on that. I just hate that this disease is making me feel small and weak right now.

So frustrated with my highs lately, started an increase of lantus tonight- up to 5.5units.

Then I kinda messed up my snack and now (1/2hr later) am heading for a low. Ok, dex and big snack so I won’t be as nervous about going to sleep.

I used to never think about food this much, used to just eat when I was hungry. Can’t do that anymore cuz now the ‘hungry’ feeling usually means my BG is high.

High tonight. Dosing for meals plus correcting highs. Even correcting for snacks, which I never used to have to do. 16.6 2 hrs after my snack. This is why I don’t want to be in my head, why I use tv to escape so often- then I don’t have to think about this for a little while.

And why didn’t I exercise today? Cuz I’m exhausted again, that’s why.

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15.4 two hrs later. I am so frustrated and feel so broken right now. I am angry and I feel defeated. I feel the pressure of tomorrow already. I feel like I am falling behind with everything. I feel alone in this fucking disease, chained to it.

Felt shitty all day.

Not surprised, I seem to feel shitty all the time lately. I’m expecting my A1C to be up. Didn’t get below 9 all day. And only 20-30g/meal. And exhausted by 5pm.

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Then I overeat, or misjudge my food and 2 hrs later I’m 17.8. And I’m doing a correction but I feel like that will barely touch it…

Long work day. Was exhausted for all of it. Caffeine did nothing.

Getting iron rechecked this week, and A1C.

Wondering what iron level will show. Why am I so tired? Most of the time?

And I know my A1C will be fucked because… well, because I haven’t been taking the best care of myself- overeating, not exercising…

Hate fighting with my body over this disease.

Exhausted this morning. BG at 13 after a correction for 15 at 2am (1 unit).

I feel tired in every part of me. Over an hour of hitting snooze to be awake enough to even check my BG.

Breakfast with dose and correction. Might finish tea and go lie down again.

3.6

3:30am. Heavy, vivid dreams. Night sweats. No feeling of it other wise. Scary. 4 dex tabs then 15mins waiting.

Ok, cheese and crackers too. And recheck. 5.3.

Usually dex jumps me up to 6.. will wait another 15 and check again..

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Morning. 9.7.

Rice porridge and a beautiful sky- clear and bright today. Thanksgiving weekend.

 

 

Walking to and from work the last 3 weeks has been so great! Helps with my BG and with my mood- especially having to walk up the hill after work.

I went for a walk after breakfast today (as I woke up way too early and don’t work until this afternoon) but now a low of 3.6- was 11 when I left.

Scary part is I couldn’t tell it was coming on- I don’t always feel it when I’m exercising (even with something moderate like walking). I’ve also been out of my exercise routine this summer/fall, so it’s kind of like starting all over again-remembering the good endorphins, remembering how to dose and eat according to my activity level.

And also fighting the darkness that is coming, now that fall is here. I am hoping I can keep things from being as hard and terrible as last winter, I am afraid of going back to that place.