July 31

Lowest low today came on fast and hard when I was washing dishes after dinner.

2.6. I sat on the floor to check and it took everything in me to get up, get dex tabs.

So shaky and scary. Couldn’t think properly… wanted to stop the shaking and leaden feeling… sweating started as soon as the sugar kicked in..

Ate too much to bring it up but I’ll check before bed, see where it’s at. Sleepy now, am guessing it’s high…

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12 at bedtime. Just tired from recovering…

July 26

Slept for 8 hours!! 10.3 before breakfast, 8.8 one hour after. That’s a good sign, right?

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Ok, big, long day.

Iron is down to 8ug/L. Was doing a liquid supplement but doc wants me on a higher dose so starting 300mg tablets. Other tests set up so we’ll see what happens. I’m really curious what’s causing this. I have a feeling it’s an absorption issue of some kind…

July 25

BG 13.9 half hour after getting up. I’m tired, obviously….

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9am. 19.5. Retested after changing batteries in the glucometer, 21.2. So, I just did a correction dose and changed the lantus vial for tonight (maybe that got too warm on vacay too?).

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BG down to 6/7s this evening. Still exhausted, tearful, alone, tired of all this shit… feel disconnected and exhausted.

July 24

10.6 this morning. Switched my novorapid vial today. BG spiked to 16 after breakfast, during a walk and I started thinking, what could be the problem. Maybe the old vial got too warm during vacay?

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8.3! Yay! Ok, this could solve things!

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How do other people with diabetes do it? Members of some of the fb groups I’m in work and do stuff, and sound like they have big, full lives and I’m barely able to focus on work. I’m not trying to compare myself to others, I just really don’t get it. I’m worried about the low iron but it does explain the lethargy and dizzy spells.

July 23

13.4 this morning. Spiked to 19 after breakfast. If I can’t get it under 10 today I’ll do 5.5 of lantus tonight.

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BG down to 8.1 but some dizzy spells today. Gonna lay down for a while.

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Napped. tired. Did 5 tonight but then 15.7after fruit with a correction dose, so just did another correction. Everything is fucked up right now and I don’t know why..

July 22

Trying not to be upset that I am still running high from vacay. I know I was overeating and really not exercising, except for a little bit of swimming.

Exercised a bit today- 30 min walk and 40min on stationary bike this evening. Snack at 7pm with with lantus but still had BG of 17.4 at 8:30pm. BG hasn’t been under 10 all day. I’m not fucking up my next A1C- this most recent one is 7.4!! I’m so happy! All that hard work paid off. Seems a bit overshadowed by the low iron results, which I really want to get figured out. Dr. appt on Wednesday.

July 15

I am not in a place of peace and acceptance with this disease. I hate it and it makes me angry.

14 at 7pm when I did my lantus. I had a snack then but also dosed with rapid for it at that point. Now it’s 8:45pm and it’s 15.7. So, I’m doing 1 unit correction. And setting my alarm for 2am. And wondering if I’ll get back to sleep after that. And that it’s a good thing I don’t work til noon, in case I need more sleep time, but that might mean I lose my exercise time, which I already lost today because of the hip/sciatic pain.

Keeping this body healthy is literally a pain in my ass.

It’s 9pm and I am done with my day. Sometimes it’s easier to shut down, than to have to feel all the emotions that come with this…

July 11

Power came back on around 10;30pm last night. Slept choppy last night. Up just before 7am and am drinking coffee, trying to get my eyes to open.

It’s a little foggy outside, which is lovely to see- means there’s dampness out there. Wildfire website says there’s a few small starts from last night.. yellow-pink clouds make me worry for fires. With the rain yesterday we were all relieved but it wasn’t enough. Ducking out from work to get caught in the downpour, feeling it soak into my shoes, through my shirt to cool my skin. Watching clouds shift in the sky, the smell of the air shifts too. Deeper, heavier. Damp earth instead of dust and yarrow. Is there smoke in the air this morning, or am I imagining it?