Month: October 2016

Starburst wrappers are really hard to open during a low. 3.7 and I only feel a bit shaky. Not cool body, not cool. Fumbling, clumsy…

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Snack after my low and obviously over treated. Radio was on and I fell asleep after my snack. Tested after nap= 22.8. Ha ha. Fuck. ‘Sleep’ was probably more like ‘passing out’. I know all of the tools and I am tired of managing. It’s very hard right now.

When will I have enough energy to do anything extra? I mean, I feel better than I did doing nursing- I actually did a bunch of cooking and puttering this weekend! But what about volunteering? Can I fit massage back into my schedule ever? I feel tired all the time. I’m trying to get back into exercising but the motivation is non-existent.

Ok, gonna be really vigilant today and see if there’s any improvement. BG 14 at 9:30am – full dose plus correction at breakfast. Now it’s 11am and I’m at 15.6. Maybe I’ll get on the bike? I don’t know what else to do. I just switched vials, I’ll see if that changes anything. Sleepy. Ketones are fine.

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So unfocused. No concentration.

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Was all excited and hopeful today- with the changes of the vials. Dosed correctly, biked… tonight took 4.5 lantus and had my last snack (pb toast=30g). Two hours later my BG is fucking 17.

So fucking angry and frustrated. I’ll do 5units tomorrow for sure. I feel like a fuckin failure- I can’t manage anything. Am sabotaged by my own fuckin body every fucking day.

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I don’t wish this disease on anyone but I wish there was a way to explain how draining the management part can be. And how easily a number can destroy your mood and how much you feel failed and betrayed by your own body. I can’t think ahead to make plans with people because sometimes the day or the night before might have been exhausting/ or that sometimes I need to be at home cuz I am feeling fragile. How do I explain that to someone without sounding weak?

Like right now, it’s 10pm and I’m about to check my BG again. I know I only took the correction dose half an hour ago but I’m exhausted and want to go to sleep. And I still have to go get that A1C done…

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10pm and it’s 19….

I don’t want to deal today. Debt collectors calling too. Good timing- already ready to cry again. How could I even consider working two jobs again? I can’t. I can’t do what I used to be able to do- my body gets exhausted so easily.

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BG at 13 tonight. Took 4.5 of lantus. I gardened and cooked all day today, no sitting around and my BG was never below 11. I don’t know what else to do. Banana bread for snack tonight.

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9:50pm and I’m at 22. FUCK. Just did 2 units correction (calculation said to do 2.5 but I am terrified of that much overnight.). I’ll do tomorrow a bit different- some leg injections again? and maybe 5units of lantus?

14.4 overnight. 12.8 this morning. Gonna have toast in a minute. And dose full amount and correction. Might park at the mall and walk up to work- about 15min walk.

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3 units at breakfast- full coverage. 1.5 hrs later, I’m at 16. Not gonna fuckin cry again. Gotta leave for work.

High all day at work.

I took 4.5 lantus last night and a full bedtime correction of 1.5 at 2315.

Checked at 1am. 4.9. Yay! and boooo! Great number but not in the middle of the night.

Slapped a pbj together and crawled into bed with it. Check again at 2am before i fall asleep.. 9.4. Still worried so set alarm for 3:30. I turned it off when it went off- don’t really remember except I remember thinking “i’m ok”. So now it’s 6am and I’m at 10mmol. And headache. Bad sleep. On top of the being-up-nights-being-my-own-pancreas I don’t sleep soundly normally but when my BG is high I can basically pass out- great! Hahaha! But when it’s low/normal I go back to bad/restless sleep…

I’m gonna work really hard on being awake at work today.

13.4 when I woke up this morning. Obviously that bedtime correction did nothing. Fuck.

I’m on the stationary bike now, after breakfast with full dosing and correction- aiming for 30-45 minutes. We’ll see.

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60 minutes and down to 9.6. I’m happy but don’t even know what to say. Obviously I’m out of shape cuz an hour on the bike with no carb intake during (like I did today) and I’d be bonking.

Am I coming out of the ‘honeymoon period’? Is it still residual from the over indulging 4 days ago? I wish there was a way to know. I am so worn down today. The exercise was good- made me feel calmer but still depressed.

BG 13 when I got up this morning. Up to 15 an hour later- all i had was tea with a little milk, as usual. Full dose plus correction for breakfast and up to 16 an hour later. Ok, yeah, only an hour but I really doubt it’s gonna drop 10 in the next hour to be in normal range.

An hour walk would help but I am exhausted. And frustrated. And feeling pretty ‘why bother’. Wonder if I need to increase the lantus tonight. Probably will if the work day doesn’t bring it down. Fuck. Crying.

Just wake the fuck up and get out of burnout.

Wouldn’t that be awesome?

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BG got down to 8.8 at 6:30pm, before I had supper. 11.4 at 9pm. (For a while my work evenings were bringing me down to 5 or 6..). I took 4.5 of lantus (that’s up a half unit). 12.2 an hour later and a 10g snack. I had a piece of toast just now cuz I’m hungry! Didn’t eat much and only about 150g carbs all day (usually closer to 200 but was afraid of my BG climbing too much).

I’m still tired and I still feel like crying.

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One hr later and I’m 16.6. I’m in tears, my brain is tired. Just did a correction dose of 1 unit (calculation said to do 1.5). Will set my alarm to check overnight.

Got back today from a visit down to my dad`s for Thanksgiving.

3 days of overeating and drinking more than usual. I`m tired and have to work in the morning. The drive was good, a bit terrifying at times (fog on the Anarchist Pass, so thick I could barely see 6ft ahead of the car). Got my snow tires put on in Grand Forks which was good cuz there was snow on the Paulson.

OK, tired and wired. I gotta work at 11am. It`s just after 10pm. Gotta get up in 8hrs.

Well, that was a fun night.

I fell asleep pretty quick last night (I realize now it was probably due to high BG). Woke up at midnight at 19mmol. Fuck. According to bedtime correction dosing, if I need to do a correction I subtract 8 (instead of 6) and then divide the remainder by 5. The result for 19 would be 2units. I felt for the middle of the night to do that would be too much so I only took 1 unit. Read for an hour cuz I was awake and checked – 15.8mmol. Good, coming down.

This morn, 6am is 6.8.

That`s kind of worrisome, that it can go up and down so much.