Month: August 2017

This morning is brought to you by the number 3.3 at 5:30am.

Good morning to me. Sleepy and shaky. 4 dex tabs. Sweating.

Thank you brain alarm for waking me up.

My life is dictated by math.

Terrible sleep last night and my plans for the day are completely changed. I was exhausted and needed to sleep in. So then I didn’t exercise. And then my BG is 15.6 an hr and a half after breakfast and I feel guilt and shame because I can’t even manage 30mins on the stationary bike.

I already feel defeated and have to get ready for work now.

So I’ll go wipe this ‘sorry-for-myself’ feeling off and put a smile on my face and you’ll never know because I can make it look like everything is ok.

Been feeling like insulin not working properly lately- running high a lot, not able to get under 8s. Was checking the pens tonight and noticed lantus injecting almost too easily and priming weird. Big air bubble in the cartridge- once I cleared that and then primed it, it was waay better. So, I’m guessing I wasn’t getting my full dose the last few days.

Tonight got down to 5!

It’s just a number.

Just a number on a little screen.

And it changes everything- my entire mood, my day, what I eat.

Just a number on a screen tells me what my body won’t.

It changes my perception of myself for the day, even changes how I view my body.

I am proud or ashamed based on a number on a screen.