Month: November 2016

Good numbers again today!!

5.9 when I got up and 10.4 was the highest and that was due to a mandarin orange I had extra at lunch and didn’t count in my bolus.

BG was overall pretty good today. Stayed around 7-8 with a couple small spikes after meals.  11.6 just now (7:30pm) and I just my lantus dose and a small snack (15g). Super tired but might try and read for a bit…

Lowest BG all day was at 7pm this evening- 6.8. And I think that was because I miscalculated my carbs at dinner and dosed a half unit too much. Would I really have made a big difference. This is a good number but kinda sucks cuz I’m due for my lantus around 7:30pm and don’t want to crash overnight.

Frustrated but kinda trying to stay open-minded/ scientificky in order to keep my head. Trying to get in to see the RN and dietitian and I just keep recording everything in my little book. I really want to get this back on track.

Glucometer stopped working today- completely stopped reading test strips. Thank god I was already in town cuz I just about ‘lost it’ sitting in the car (was trying to check before I drove home). Tears welled, fought them back. My regular pharmacy didn’t have it in stock so I headed to another to find one that would work with the new box of test strips I already had. Self-sabotage with chips during because I was afraid of crashing.

I’m at home, on my stationary bike now, feeling headachy and distant. Fucking sick of my life being dictated by a small electronic device. Feeling a little hopeless. Got a bunch of library books, hopefully that’ll swallow me up…

4.7 this morning when I got up. (9.1 at 1am). Started doing 5 units of lantus again last night. Also going to try cutting carbs back a bit when I can from 3 to 2 servings at meals (reminding self not to eat for my insulin but take insulin for my food). I can’t keep living at 8s and 9s, gotta get better control.

Right now I am not panicking about 4.7. I am having tea and making breakfast, like normal. I’ll be ok.

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I was too afraid to take full doses of the rapid with my meals at work today, knowing that I had that bit extra of lantus in my system. HAHA! Changing lantus dose won’t help anything if you don’t stay on top of the rest of it, Leannah.

Man, that fear of lows is a strong fear.

BG was 8.2 at 1:30am and 8.6 this morning at 6am. Hoping that is the start of a good day.

I’m angry today. Angry about my disease. Angry I’m letting it control me.

BG 12.9 this morning.

What the fuck? I’m so tired of the guessing game. Yeah, yeah, I need to come to terms with this disease, it’s a part of me, blah, blah, blah… So tired of it. Guess I’m going for a walk this morning.

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Walk and another hour wait and down to 10.4. Like the walk did absolutely nothing. Wanna cry. So frustrating. Crawling back into bed for a bit. I get it, I have to become this super active person, right? Great. Right now I’m tired and frustrated and don’t care.

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Dosed correctly and even got on the stationary bike this afternoon. Had a snack at 7:30pm and now it’s 16 at 9pm. Took the lantus (4.5units) but gonna do a correction dose of the rapid. Not doing the full correction dose cuz I am terrified of crashing overnight.

I just wanted to have a couple beers and some chips on my ‘Friday’, like a normal person. Now my BG is 24 and I’m ready for bed and feel like an asshole. I don’t feel a buzz from the beer, I just feel bloated and stupid. And I now have to make sure I get up in the middle of the night to check my BG in case it drops.

And I was having a pretty good day of numbers before that.

How do I change my mindset?

BG of 7.1 at 9pm would be great of it didn’t drop overnight. So I just had pbj toast. I have had so many carbs today. Fuck. Hard when some days I just feel the ‘why bothers?’ and others I can be really good to myself. Fuck.

Trying to work on BG more, to get it in better range. A1C 3 weeks ago was 8.5, up from 8.1 the three months before. I’ve noticed the last couple of days that I feel kind of ‘low’ when I’m at 6 (lightheaded..), which isn’t good. I’ve been living around 8-10 because I am afraid of going too low (and I am fighting with myself around eating healthier and sometimes sabotaging my own efforts… ah, the ongoing cycle…). But I gotta do this, I need to spend more time at 6.