May 24

Here’s my one big piece of advice for the week…

Don’t go on social media and compare yourself to anyone posting anything!

I am getting pretty sick of facebook posts in some of the diabetes support groups where people say something along the lines of ‘spiking’ to 8 or 10 after meals, or worrying because their A1C has ‘gone up a bit to 6’. Sorry but fuck off.

I am looking forward to the day when the highest my BG spikes is 10mmol. Try adding 7 or 8 to that number. And an A1C of 6?? Miracle of miracles!! How many lows come with that A1C?

Remember (and I will also try and do this) that this is your own journey. Your body is completely different from every other body out there.

May 23

Spiking to 17 more than 2 hrs after eating. Tears. I know all the things to bring it down. I know it’s a science experiment everyday and everyday is different. Physically I know what to do to manage but sometimes it’s the mental part that makes me kind of detach from my thoughts about it and just go through the motions.

Honestly, I still daydream about the ‘before time’.

I am not ‘ok’ with having this disease. Right now I am not accepting of it. I wonder if it is related to POF because it is another autoimmune disorder. Will there be more of these autoimmune dyfunctions to come? I am not ok with this. I never asked for it. I did nothing to bring this on.

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So thankful for my coworkers. They pick me up when I am feeling low…

May 17

Team meeting was today. Specialist said I am doing great, managing really well for someone who is so sensitive to insulin. He said there’s nothing I can really change, just keep doing what I’m doing, keep trying.

And it was such an overwhelming relief to see the understanding on his face when I said I am exhausted and frustrated.

We also discussed pump/CGM. Going that route has always seemed a little surreal to me but Dr. brought them up as an option to offer a little more control. He said if the A1C continues to creep up then it might be something to consider. CGM on it’s own is just like doing the finger pokes so best to do the two together, if I want to go there. The pump would help because I am so sensitive to insulin- it would allow me to do 1/4unit adjustments. With the pens I am only able to do 1/2unit as the smallest adjustments.

He also gave me a script for a glucagon kit. (A glucagon kit has injectable glucose to be used in emergencies when you are hypoglycemic and are unable to eat or drink before losing consciousness). A glucagon injection is usually administered by another person, as the diabetic person is probably unresponsive by that time.

So… my thoughts about that….

I live alone. I choose to spend a lot of my time on my own. If I become unresponsive at home there is no one there to notice. I know this is the reason I sometimes let my numbers run high. I know this is one of the reasons I check my BG more often than I need to.

The prescription is pinned on my bulletin board.

May 4

It’s 3am and my brain won’t stop. I have to get up in 2hrs> I’m lying here and all I can think about is my fucking iron level!

I know my body just loves fucking up on me for no reason but come on. I can’t take an iron supplement forever, and it’s not working anyway. I need to know what’s causing is so I can work on fixing it.

May 2

Quarterly blood work back:

ferritin= 27ug/L. That’s a drop for me from 36ug/L at the last round of blood work in the winter even though I am taking a supplement. (From all the info I have been given the optimal level is around 80ug/L).

A1C 8.2%. Creeping up even with exercise.

No wonder I am feeling shitty!

But why? That’s my question. I can’t fix the low iron without knowing what the cause is. And the A1C? I have the Team meeting in 2 weeks so I’ll ask their advice on anything else I could try. I’m exercising when I can (and I walk everyday to and from work) and eating well. When I snack extra I bolus to cover. I don’t understand!