Month: January 2018

January 30

Would you be surprised if one day I said I WASN’T tired? Hahaha!

I’m tired today. And fucking tired of it.

I’m exercising regularly, eating healthy, sleeping 7-9 hrs a night and still feeling shitty (tired, overwhelmed easily, lack of concentration..).

I don’t want to believe that this is the ‘new’ normal. It can’t be, right? That I just have to live like this?

I’m disappointed with my body because I never used to feel this broken. I remember volunteering on top of working full time. And yes, there were some days it was a tiring, long day but now sometimes just making it through the work day is a challenge. I’d love to go back to volunteering a bit, and even back to doing a bit of massage therapy, but I really dont know if I can manage with how I feel now.

I want bed. Eyes tired. Brain full up. Feel like a big mess.

January 27

Ok. New day.

Gonna go out and do some chores this morning.

I want to start trying a little harder. But, along with that, I also want my life back. I want to stop being afraid to do things.

I’m working on a chart/calendar for the next month that shows daily exercise, carb totals, rapid insulin totals and highest and lowest BGs. If I have it up to see I think I can monitor better. Not that I have to be totally strict but just so I can see it easily and see if I’m staying within range.

I’ll try it out for February and see how it goes…

January 26

A1C 8.1

Ferritin 36.

Just frustrated and angry. I know, I know, I should be happy with these- A1C has come down and ferritin has gone up but both feel so incremental. I feel like the last few months I have been working so hard but maybe I haven’t been. I mean, I’m exercising more but am I really watching my diet?

Fuck.

January 22

Fretting about A1C- need to go for my 3 month check sometime this week. This morning fasting BG is 14.4!! That’s after 8.7 when I checked in the middle of the night. I know some of that is ‘dawn phenomenon’ but what the hell?!

So tired of it right now, tired of the constant monitoring.

Also worrying about my iron level. (It’s the stored iron, or ferritin, that’s low). Hoping that is coming up, even though I still feel tired and low energy most of the time. No more dizzy spells though, so that’s a bonus. What caused it to go low? Will I have to supplement forever now? So frustrating.

Getting wound up about the bloodwork. Just have to let it go and just see where things are at.

January 13

It snowed lightly all day yesterday and by last night I was thinking about taking myself up to the Rail Trail today, to get back on my cross-country skis.

I haven’t been out on them since before my diagnosis.

I’m not a huge fan of winter- I don’t like being cold, I don’t like the grey days when the clouds don’t lift out of the valley here.

But I’m trying really hard this year to make the most of it (basically because I am afraid of sliding into the blackness I was in last winter).

So, this morning I went out. I bundled up and backed up my small backpack with more than enough emergency supplies (2 juice boxes, a pb sandwich, starburst candies and my water bottle) and walked up to the trail.

The Rail Trail is less than a 10 min. walk from where I’m living. It used to be the railroad through town years ago (hence, the name). The railroad itself has been taken off the bed so now it is a wide trail that runs across the top of town. Perfect for walking and cycling and skiing.

I was really nervous heading out- it’s always that way with a new activity- that’s why I over-prepped.

But it was wonderful!

I forgot how much of a workout cross country skiing is.

I had a BG of 11.6 when I was about to leave the house so I ate half a power bar (20g). Half an hour in I checked and was 5.9. Pb sandwich (24g) came in handy,(even though the dog I had met up there was hoping I was giving handouts). Skied the half hour back, which was very slightly downhill-sloped, and when I got home was 5.8 (and sore in place I had forgotten I had muscles!).