Month: December 2015

So I’m going to have to give my landlady notice, or something. At least email her and let her know I won’t be able to afford to renew next summer – so much has changed. Maybe she’ll let me out of the lease early? I’ll also call the student loan people tomorrow to discuss holding payments or something…

Shortest day of the year is over. Relief. I am so busy i want to cry. Today is almost my last day at the clinic.

So am I giving up massage therapy? I don’t know. I can’t make myself think. I still feel overwhelmed. Could I do 1 day /month? I have to get up for a day shift tomorrow. It’s 9pm and I’m tired and wired.

Only took 5 units of Lantus last night and went to bed with 9.3. Woke up 9 hrs later with 6.9! Yay!

Doing the med review for my unit with the doctor today at work and afraid to take my breakfast insulin so I don’t have a crash during those 4 hours, especially in front of the doctor and pharmacist. That would be embarrassing. My BG is oddly normal this morn: 7.2. I don’t want to have to be eating all day. Fuck. I think the Lantus needs to be cut back a bit more.
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Been worrying about being able to work all these extra shifts this month and just got an email heads up that the extras will ‘probably’ save me from losing my health coverage, as I missed a lot of work the last 2 months. Doesn’t seem to matter that I was sick.

Woke up low. Fighting it this morning… can’t get it together to make lunch for work, guess I’ll buy it.

I’d like to make myself a little promise for my birthday next year: that I’m physically in the best shape of my life and maintaining it. Also by my diagnosis anniversary I want to be living in a place that I feel comfortable settling into for a few years, which would also mean that I feel more mentally/emotionally stable. Those are the gifts I want to give myself next year.

Made some soup then lost motivation and Netflix has been on for hours. Fuck. What am I doing?

Slept ’til an almost crash: 4.0 at 9:30am…

Time to reconnect and get past the disconnect…
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Burst into tears trying to download something from my mom. Thinking about it makes me want to cry more. I can’t deal/cope/manage anything.
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Tried to sit and breathe for just 5 minutes and started crying again. Breath not going in deep, feels like there’s a block at the bottom of my ribcage. Back tight. Headache starting…. it’s ok to cry and I start up again.
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Today wasn’t too bad. Busy at work but performance review went really well…