Month: June 2016

Fuckin 3.8. And it’s my own fault and I know it.

Last night after work I had dinner and a couple beers with a friend. BG jumped to 15.6. And I knew it would drop so I had an extra 15g at bedtime.

And it was 6 when I got up.

Did my normal routine of tea and smoothie and dosed accordingly and correctly. 1.5hrs later I’m 3.8. And I didn’t even feel it coming. It’s Canada Day tomorrow. I can’t do alcohol anymore. I want to be able to- it’s fun once in a while but I just can’t. Gotta go check again after my emergency pbj.

Trying to explain the feeling of not being able to cope. It’s like my brain is full and can’t put anymore in… I’m full up with managing the diabetes and then everything gets put on top of that and I’m overloaded. I can’t understand how people do it. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown, when I have more than one thing to deal with in a day…

Appointment with diabetic clinic today, and get to see results of last A1C. Don’t feel good about it. I’m guessing it’s over 9.
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A1C is 8.1- phewf!! Thought it was going to be waaay higher. Today is my 8th day off in a row and finally feeling a bit rested but tired even though it’s only 8:30pm. Already in bed even though I slept for 9.5 hrs last night. Will I ever have energy again during regular work weekends?

I started learning about FPUs today at the appointment. Fuck. So not only am I counting carbs but now I also have to be aware of high fat or high protein food?? Like it wasn’t complicated enough. Oh, and my tender, cracking thumb skin is actually because of a fungal injection. Did you know that for women with diabetes, fungal (or yeast) infections are fairly common? Awesome. Oh and I also found out that my c-peptide level had me pegged as officially living with a pancreas that’s not doing it’s job. Official type 1 diagnosis! Weeee! Like I didn’t already know that…

Today is already hard because my BG is 13. I ate 1.5 hrs ago. Had an am of 12 after overnight 9. Then I dropped a half unit off my breakfast dose because I was afraid of having a low. Now I am super sleepy and want to eat. That’s all I want right now- a fucking muffin or something!
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Was going to do a ride this morning but I’m crawling back into bed. So tired. (Yes, high BG makes you tired but I was also up twice last night). I am really tired of this today. Crying now. Awesome. Gonna try and sleep for even an hour.

Awake at 2:30am trying to be my own pancreas because a BG of 6.1 means I won’t be making it in for fasting bloodwork for my A1C in the morning. Frustrating but it’s ok. I’ll try for Friday morning. I had a bit to eat, even though 6 isn’t that low I don’t want to wake up at 6:30am with it under 4. Tonight I’ll do 4 units of Lantus, instead of 4.5.

I am feeling jaded and broken today. Work is pissing me off and I feel trapped here. And I don’t have the clinic days anymore. I feel totally fucked and trapped. This is not where I wanted things. Last year at this time my life was going in a completely different direction.

I’ve been on the stationary bike for 1/2 hr this morning and I can’t tell you how hard it is this morning. It’s finally stopped raining and I have to go back to work. Right now work, with diabetes, is very hard. I’m tired of counting and tired of worrying. I ate extra this weekend (period, depression, whatever) and of course my BG was high.

It poured rain all day and I watched tv all day. I’m trying not to feel guilty for taking a total down-day. Yes, the exercise makes me feel better but sometimes it’s so much energy to motivate myself.