Month: December 2016

December 31

It’s the sleepiness of highs I don’t like. Sleepy and foggy-headed.

The sharpened buzz of endorphins is so much better to relax me than the drifting fog of alcohol (which used to relax me).

I’m thinking about that today because it’s New Year’s Eve and that’s what everyone does, right? Drink the new year in.

Right now the desire to drink is so small.

I remember the sick/sleepy feeling of a bad high but also the out-of-control feeling of being drunk (or even buzzed) and equating that drunk feeling to having a low. It’s not fun anymore, it’s more scary than anything else.

I know I will be eating a lot of carbs tonight but I am trying to be gentle with myself too because I have been looking forward to this evening for weeks. I will bolus correctly but I am also afraid (as always) of taking too much insulin…

December 27

Frustrated that I miscalculated at dinner and now am 18.3 2hrs after eating. And even though I am trying to limit my carbs I am having over 150g/day the last few days. I am supposed to be getting ‘back on track’.

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I feel like I waste so much time cuz I am always distracted by this fucking disease. Every time I feel the slightest change in my body I wonder if I am running high or low and it’s so frustrating. Recovering from running high is so hard, especially when one of the symptoms is exhaustion so try adding exercise in when you are dragging yourself around.

Now I just sound whiny. This is why I feel like I detach from thinking (about the disease, life, whatever..) so often.. I sometimes (often, mostly..) feel like I have no control over my body…

December 26

Needed correction dose at bedtime due to 18mmol (after big holiday meal). I have modified the calculation the nurse gave me initially for bedtime corrections but last night I took a bit more (cuz I have eaten A LOT the last couple days, and with wine etc. my BG is lingering high) and still set my 3am alarm to make sure I don’t die.

3am is 15.

7:45am is 14.4

Blerg. Ok, so, holiday fun is over, time to help my body get better.

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Lowest I got today was 8.2 a while after supper, before I drove home from work. Rest of the day it was 12 or higher. 145g carbs. I am pushing my next A1C back to mid-February to give myself a bit more time to get back on track. Also, I just started a chart (posted in my kitchen) to post highest and lowest daily BG- if I can see it then I feel like I have more control/ more ability to work on changing it..

 

December 13

So, I rarely eat oatmeal because I seem to metabolize it too quickly and am left feeling starving within a couple of hours (even if I add nuts, fruit,etc…).

Anyway, I had some leftover in the fridge (from a few days ago) and warmed it up for brekkie. Took my insulin dose and then, tasting the oatmeal, realized it was older than I had thought. (Oatmeal, just so you know, should not taste sour). Ok, so toss that and then I am standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to figure out what to eat for the insulin I had just taken and was imaging already working it’s magic….

Ended up with the old reliable and a couple of boiled eggs to keep me going a bit longer.

Ah, the trials of a diabetic.

December 12

Was looking at yesterday’s numbers- looking really good, around 5-6- then I looked back on my food- around 250 carbs! Yikes! way over what I should be aiming for. So gonna try dropping to 4.5 of lantus again tonight because I think I am eating for my insulin again. So frustrating right now although I am also feeling distanced from it all again.