Slept 10hrs but feel groggy this morning. Cup of tea coming. Sore throat and sneezing but don’t feel ‘sick’.
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Quiet day off. So hard to motivate myself to exercise in the winter when it gets dark out so early. Thinking a lot about what it’s like to have a ‘chronic illness’ today.
How do you explain that you feel let down and broken by your own body when you look ok? When you can act ok? How do you explain that it’s a struggle? How do you explain the pressure you put on yourself to act ‘normal’? I can smile and say ‘fine’ when someone asks me how things are going because it’s easier that trying to explain the tired, foggy-headedness that comes with my BG running high. Or explaining how wound up I am worrying if I ordered supplies on time?
And now with the PDM I am feeling like I have lost that essential skill of calculating everything because it does all the math for me. A lot of the time I feel very unattached to my diabetes, like I have created a distance from it. How do I explain how hard it is to do anything else right now, except manage my own body? How hard it is to clean the house or go out and get groceries? When I have days off I just want to shut right down and shut out the rest of the world. I am exhausted from holding myself up all week. Exhausted from holding myself up by myself.