June 14

Wasn’t paying attention or being brave enough to dose correctly for the chips and dip I had on my break so BG 23 at supper. Did a 15min walk then ate and dosed correctly.

Was on closing shift and got “the feeling” just before 9pm. Checked and was 2.8. Right when I was supposed to be helping close the store. Fuck.

Home now and fuckin exhausted. Just did a small correction for bedtime snack. Dunno what that’ll be like.

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Awake again at 4am after 5 solid hrs of sleep. Will bring better snacks to work today. My alarm goes off in 3hrs.

It’s not the injections that are hard to deal with, it’s all the managing around that.

June 11

Just checked my BG cuz I’m super sleepy, which is always my hint that I’m running high. It’s 2 hrs after breakfast and I’m 7.8. Yay! So I guess I’m just tired. Haha!

I had 8 hrs of sleep last night too and not really busy this weekend. Tired a lot. Really want to figure out why my iron levels are so low.

June 6

Almost in tears most of the day at work. Friends helped a bit. I was so sleepy after snacks at work I thought I was high but nope, 3.2. Crackers and hummus and I know it’s coming up because I’m shaky and dizzy now (that happens a lot once it’s rising).

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It’s 8:30pm. Can’t stay up any longer. 12.2. So tired of being tired. Feel like I can barely function lately.

May 24

Here’s my one big piece of advice for the week…

Don’t go on social media and compare yourself to anyone posting anything!

I am getting pretty sick of facebook posts in some of the diabetes support groups where people say something along the lines of ‘spiking’ to 8 or 10 after meals, or worrying because their A1C has ‘gone up a bit to 6’. Sorry but fuck off.

I am looking forward to the day when the highest my BG spikes is 10mmol. Try adding 7 or 8 to that number. And an A1C of 6?? Miracle of miracles!! How many lows come with that A1C?

Remember (and I will also try and do this) that this is your own journey. Your body is completely different from every other body out there.

May 23

Spiking to 17 more than 2 hrs after eating. Tears. I know all the things to bring it down. I know it’s a science experiment everyday and everyday is different. Physically I know what to do to manage but sometimes it’s the mental part that makes me kind of detach from my thoughts about it and just go through the motions.

Honestly, I still daydream about the ‘before time’.

I am not ‘ok’ with having this disease. Right now I am not accepting of it. I wonder if it is related to POF because it is another autoimmune disorder. Will there be more of these autoimmune dyfunctions to come? I am not ok with this. I never asked for it. I did nothing to bring this on.

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So thankful for my coworkers. They pick me up when I am feeling low…

May 4

It’s 3am and my brain won’t stop. I have to get up in 2hrs> I’m lying here and all I can think about is my fucking iron level!

I know my body just loves fucking up on me for no reason but come on. I can’t take an iron supplement forever, and it’s not working anyway. I need to know what’s causing is so I can work on fixing it.

May 2

Quarterly blood work back:

ferritin= 27ug/L. That’s a drop for me from 36ug/L at the last round of blood work in the winter even though I am taking a supplement. (From all the info I have been given the optimal level is around 80ug/L).

A1C 8.2%. Creeping up even with exercise.

No wonder I am feeling shitty!

But why? That’s my question. I can’t fix the low iron without knowing what the cause is. And the A1C? I have the Team meeting in 2 weeks so I’ll ask their advice on anything else I could try. I’m exercising when I can (and I walk everyday to and from work) and eating well. When I snack extra I bolus to cover. I don’t understand!