For the last few years, I’ve been one of those people that makes work a priority over life. I take extra shifts, I try and work as much as I can… and I fight with it. I have known for months that my life is suffering. My actual life – the fun living part – is disappearing.
And then I get diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I’m not trying to be morbid but it changed things, made me more desperate to feel like my life was mine, and not an infinite length of work days… like I wasn’t only working more and more and more…
So the last month I have been feeling desperate and overwhelmed and realizing that I can’t do it anymore. That working two jobs isn’t worth it.
But in saying that, I also felt stuck and couldn’t admit to myself that it was time to say no. I have been driven to tears and anger in the last few weeks, because of this realization. Knowing that saying ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ was the right decision but felt like admitting weakness, even though I knew it would be the thing to allow my life to start.
Last Friday I quit one of my jobs. Man, I thought it was hard admitting to myself that I couldn’t do it but saying it out loud to the clinic owner, that was hard.
But he understood, he knows what has been happening in my life so he totally got it. Just the fact that I know my time is slowly becoming my own is such a relief.