Author: leannah

August 29

Colon Prep Day!!

So tomorrow morning is my procedure. Fluid breakfast with only 50% of my rapid dose. I am interested to see how that goes today. Will be home today, puttering and resting.

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Tired today! Funny to be reminded how much food gives us energy, duh!! Hve napped and read and puttered. Am getting more nervous about tomorrow and trying to really figure out what part I am nervous about. I realize it is the ‘loss of control’ feeling when thinking about the sedative. I was thinking back to when I was diagnosed with diabetes and being admitted to hospital. Honestly, it was so relieving handing the care of my body over to other people. With three years of this disease under my belt, I feel I have to always be ‘on’ and completely letting go is scary.

I am trying to remind myself of that peace I felt with handing over my care to people who knew what they were doing.

 

August 26

Went to bed with my BG a bit high (16mmol) and slept great! 8 hours! Woke up at 7mmol, so that’s quite a drop overnight, but feel rested.

I have a colonoscopy booked for Aug. 30th. A bit nervous about doing the prep stuff and having a ‘clear liquid only day’ the day before. What will that do to my BG? The next couple of days I also have to eat light meals, which is fine for me, I usually eat lighter anyway.

August 21

A1C 7.9

Ferritin 328.

Wow, wasn’t expecting either of those.

Would a pump help me get even better control? I noticed a bit of weight gain last time my A1C was in a good range, don’t know if there’s a correlation but have gained a bit again lately.

And the ferritin. That’s high. Have I talked about the iron infusion I had a few weeks ago?

So I had IV iron treatment. Instead of ingesting the iron in hopes that I’ll absorb it, the IV treatment puts it right into my bloodstream. The fact that it is so high now seems obvious that I have an absorption issue somewhere in my digestive tract.

Doctor has recommended that I go for a colonoscopy, see if anything shows up. Nervous about that. Hoping the procedure will find something and hoping it doesn’t. It’s so frustrating having conditions come up in my body that really have no definitive reason. I know that’s the deal with autoimmune disorders, like diabetes, but it would be so nice to have explanations.

Anyway, I definitely do have more energy now and am sure that is related to both the lower A1C and the increased ferritin.

August 17th

Awake and restless and correcting for 15.4 at 12:30am. Maybe I would be better with something that beeped at me if I was high or low? It might be better than waiting until I do finger pokes to know what’s going on.

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2:30am. Still awake. At least there’s books.

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Slept another 3hrs. Pretty sure I heard a cougar chirp as I was trying to falling sleep around 3:30am. Could’ve been something else but it sure sounded like it. After that my dreams were full of animals.

July 4th

When I’m focusing hard on getting everything back under control, the days can get very long.

There is always a small feeling of shame/embarrasment when I can’t keep everything under control. I know it’s silly to feel that way (cuz this is hard!!) but it sometimes feels like I’ve failed myself, not being able to control with MDI (multiple daily injections).

I’ve been weighing the idea of getting a pump.  But then I think ‘I’m a smart, organized person, I should be able to control my own body without an external piece of equipment, right?’. It makes me feel more disabled, makes me have to admit this disease to myself again.

July 3rd

Been up for one hr. BG 14 now. Having toast and correcting. Family heading out today and I will get myself back on track. Haven’t been eating my regular meals or at regular times.

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16.1 2hrs after 30g snack and I did a 1 to 15 correction ratio.

It’s 5pm now. Trying to decide what to have for dinner.

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Went for a 10min walk after supper. 10mins won’t really do anything but it’s the act of doing it that is important. Doing 6.5 lantus again.

July 2nd

Meter said “HI” at 7:50pm, and not in a friendly way.

I have never seen that on my own meter before.

Had snack and correction a little while ago. Scared. Correcting again (yes, probably ‘stacking’ but don’t care right now).

Drinking water now. Feeling so distant from it.

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9pm 23.8

10pm 15.4

So, an 8 pt drop in an hour. Great.

Will stay up another hour and then retest. I figure didn’t account for FPUs at lunch or supper. Fuck.

10:50pm 13.5. The drop is slowing. My alarm is set for 2am

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1230am 8.6. That’s another 5 in one hr. Had 15g and alarm reset for 3am.

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10.4 at 3am.

June 30th

13.1 at breakfast even though it was 8.9 overnight. Thought I dosed correctly for breakfast but didn’t. (Hard to do when it’s restaurant food).  Two hrs later I’m at 22.4! And that’s after the walk up the hill.

I know my eating habits and activity level are different right now (family in town and I am on vacation for a week) but I still should be able to deal, right? I’ll do 6.5 lantus tonight. Just did a correction. I am feeling very emotionally/mentally fragile today.

June 18

Been fighting highs all day. Day off so not very active- feeling tired and worn out.

Couldn’t get below 13 all day long and then checked an hr ago (at 10pm) and am at 6. Ok, one pb toast to get me up a little higher before I go to bed. Just checked again now and 4.7. Fuck. Obviously dosed wrong at supper. Fuck. Ok, chocolate granola bar (20g) and will check again in 15mins. Just want to go to bed, so sleepy.