November 7

The thing that scares me the most is having a low while I’m sleeping. I don’t even like to think about it. This morning I’m 4.4, which at work I would feel a little shaky warning but I just woke up tired and groggy, as usual. That would warrant a snack but this morning I can only manage honey in my tea. I mean, I could eat right away, if I had to, if it was even lower.
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I was reading yesterday about hypoglycemic complacency- where you stop feeling the lows. that’s scary!! So even though I say I feel disconnected, I still do worry about lows overnight. I have memories of it happening to my dad, of having to call my mom to come over ‘cuz dad won’t wake up.
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I live alone. What if I crashed overnight and couldn’t get up?
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I had to stop writing to eat. I had to stop writing because my body- no, not even- my blood sugar is in control, not me. They say take control, don’t live for your diabetes/insulin, live and make the diabetes/insulin fit around your life– haha! Fuckin’ funny! I have barely got a handle on it most of the time and I feel like I’m floundering, like I’m going through the motions. I can barely make sense of the food labels most of the time and then I forget I can also have half servings. But really if I did that I’d have a crash the way things are now. Most days I still feel like I am eating too much and only in an effort to combat the amount of insulin I am taking. I’ve gained 10lbs in about 6 weeks from all this ‘healthy eating’.