September 11

A year ago I was sick but didn’t really know it and everything was still ‘normal’ (or ‘old’ normal). I feel like I have a handle on my routine but when I think about having a disease I still feel a disconnect from it and from the idea of it. I don’t really know how to explain it. Sometimes it feels like there is a fog around me that I can’t see through, when I try and see myself.

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So much on my mind and I don’t feel like I can deal with any of it.

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Today was the day last year that I checked my BG for the first time. I think I remember checking it twice because I didn’t believe it. One of the nurses I was working with actually suggested it (and I had been thinking it but not really wanting to think it) because I had mentioned to her my concerns and suspicion.

Holy fuck my body has been through a lot in the last 12 months.

September 8

BG perfect this morning- 8.2 at 7am.

Then I had a late morning snack of chips. Yeah, yeah, I know. I knew it was a bad idea. This is why I can’t have snacks like this in my house.

2 1/2 hrs later it’s 19. Big correction at lunch. BG 18.6 an hour after lunch and am heading into town to run some errands. So sleepy. Fuck.

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One hour later and I’m in town and it’s 8.3. A bit of shopping etc. and about 40 mins later its 4.6.

Awesome. Yep, overcorrected at lunch.

Me, the human BG experiment.

Now I am sitting in my car in the mall parking lot having a pear. Realized I spend a fair amount of time eating in my car. Mostly done my errands but I’m not bothering with anything else today- going home.

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Mostly around 6 the rest of the day. Now it’s 14 at bedtime but that’s ok, I know it’ll come down a bit more overnight. Opening shift tomorrow at work and I am tired but wired and it’s 9:30pm. Fuck.

September 6

Good BG at work today. Most of this week my shift has been 10:30-7:30 and today I was mostly under 10mmol all day today. End of the shift I was 5.6 which is a little low but still in good range. I was worried because I still had to take my Lantus and drive home. So I overreacted and bought chips. 13.3 half an hour later. Whoops.

Ok, gonna do better tomorrow. Fruit or cheese and crackers for after work snack.

September 5

It’s getting too cool out to have smoothies for breakfast- that’s a summer food. I’ve gone back to toast but looking at other options.

Oatmeal is supposed to be a good cold weather breakfast except my body metabolizes it super fast. So this morning I made it with nuts and fruit but I miscalculated something because 2 hrs later my BG is up to 16! What??!!

Bike ride got it down to 10 for lunch, so that’s good.

And the ride was wonderful! It’s been about 2 weeks since I’ve been on the bike. I just did 40mins but it was so relaxing- I really do miss riding.

I’m hungry now and it’s 4:30pm. Slowly gonna start making dinner. I’m at a loss for what to eat this week at work. All I ever seem to think about is food…

August 31

Yep, it was a tricky food day. Scarfed down lunch and supper on coffee breaks because the timing of them was closer to meal times and then had a snack at ‘lunch’ break. I guess I could’ve done a larger meal at my lunch break (3pm) and no insulin with maybe one carb serving. I stayed between 5-11mmol today. A bit high on the end range but ok. Need to get back to exercising.

August 29

Vacay was great! So tricky to manage BG with restaurant food – did a lot of FPU boluses and larger meal boluses too. Was good to get in the pool a couple times, even though that afternoon one I almost had a crash – down to 5.8. I could feel it so I just went to the change room and had a granola bar then came back to the pool.
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Tired this morning. Didn’t get home from vacation until 7 pm and then had to work at 7:15 am the next day. Haven’t felt like I have had time to recover. Tomorrow and the next day I’m working. Fuzzy brained this morning. So much on my mind – working at the store, am I quitting the other job for reals? Am I going back to massage? I can’t make any of those decisions today…

August 26

It was 11 at 1 am and it’s 14 just now at 7 am. Bummed it went up so much but safer than 6.8 at 10:30pm. I’m already worried about breakfast ‘cuz we’re going to the pancake house and I’m having a goddamn pancake!!
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I found the nutritional info page for the pancake house online! Now I can plan…
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It’s 5pm and I am 8.2! YES!! Fought so hard with it during the day- 2 extra boluses during the day.

August 25

15.7 at 7:40am. No wonder I slept like a brick.
OK. Gonna work hard on this today.
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10pm and 7.4. Yay!!

Salads with minimal carbs at lunch and a burger and salad at supper. FPU corrections for both meals and a swim after supper. Plus an extra 1/2 unit of Lantus. I just ate a cookie (15g) now ‘cuz now I’m nervous it’s going too low. HAHA!
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Half an hour later and its down to 6.4. HaHa. oops. Shit. Whole granola bar (28g) now. I’m tired and I want to go to bed but I’m a little afraid. Water now and then I’ll have to get up in the middle of the night and can check.