Author: leannah

High all day at work.

I took 4.5 lantus last night and a full bedtime correction of 1.5 at 2315.

Checked at 1am. 4.9. Yay! and boooo! Great number but not in the middle of the night.

Slapped a pbj together and crawled into bed with it. Check again at 2am before i fall asleep.. 9.4. Still worried so set alarm for 3:30. I turned it off when it went off- don’t really remember except I remember thinking “i’m ok”. So now it’s 6am and I’m at 10mmol. And headache. Bad sleep. On top of the being-up-nights-being-my-own-pancreas I don’t sleep soundly normally but when my BG is high I can basically pass out- great! Hahaha! But when it’s low/normal I go back to bad/restless sleep…

I’m gonna work really hard on being awake at work today.

13.4 when I woke up this morning. Obviously that bedtime correction did nothing. Fuck.

I’m on the stationary bike now, after breakfast with full dosing and correction- aiming for 30-45 minutes. We’ll see.

~~

60 minutes and down to 9.6. I’m happy but don’t even know what to say. Obviously I’m out of shape cuz an hour on the bike with no carb intake during (like I did today) and I’d be bonking.

Am I coming out of the ‘honeymoon period’? Is it still residual from the over indulging 4 days ago? I wish there was a way to know. I am so worn down today. The exercise was good- made me feel calmer but still depressed.

BG 13 when I got up this morning. Up to 15 an hour later- all i had was tea with a little milk, as usual. Full dose plus correction for breakfast and up to 16 an hour later. Ok, yeah, only an hour but I really doubt it’s gonna drop 10 in the next hour to be in normal range.

An hour walk would help but I am exhausted. And frustrated. And feeling pretty ‘why bother’. Wonder if I need to increase the lantus tonight. Probably will if the work day doesn’t bring it down. Fuck. Crying.

Just wake the fuck up and get out of burnout.

Wouldn’t that be awesome?

~~

BG got down to 8.8 at 6:30pm, before I had supper. 11.4 at 9pm. (For a while my work evenings were bringing me down to 5 or 6..). I took 4.5 of lantus (that’s up a half unit). 12.2 an hour later and a 10g snack. I had a piece of toast just now cuz I’m hungry! Didn’t eat much and only about 150g carbs all day (usually closer to 200 but was afraid of my BG climbing too much).

I’m still tired and I still feel like crying.

~~

One hr later and I’m 16.6. I’m in tears, my brain is tired. Just did a correction dose of 1 unit (calculation said to do 1.5). Will set my alarm to check overnight.

Got back today from a visit down to my dad`s for Thanksgiving.

3 days of overeating and drinking more than usual. I`m tired and have to work in the morning. The drive was good, a bit terrifying at times (fog on the Anarchist Pass, so thick I could barely see 6ft ahead of the car). Got my snow tires put on in Grand Forks which was good cuz there was snow on the Paulson.

OK, tired and wired. I gotta work at 11am. It`s just after 10pm. Gotta get up in 8hrs.

Well, that was a fun night.

I fell asleep pretty quick last night (I realize now it was probably due to high BG). Woke up at midnight at 19mmol. Fuck. According to bedtime correction dosing, if I need to do a correction I subtract 8 (instead of 6) and then divide the remainder by 5. The result for 19 would be 2units. I felt for the middle of the night to do that would be too much so I only took 1 unit. Read for an hour cuz I was awake and checked – 15.8mmol. Good, coming down.

This morn, 6am is 6.8.

That`s kind of worrisome, that it can go up and down so much.

Last week was a really hard work week, fighting highs for most of it.

One day in particular. I was at 10mmol when I woke up and knew it was going to be a tricky day, I could just feel it.

Dosed and ate breakfast and tested 2hrs later (about a half hour before I was supposed to leave for work) and I was up to 16mmol.

That broke me, that morning. I was in tears, pretty much incapacitated by sobs… I don’t feel like getting into that part now, seems like all my journal entries are complain-y lately, so instead let’s change focus a bit…

I live with two wonderful, crazy tabby cats- brother and sister. They drive me nuts but I honestly couldn’t imagine life without them. They adopted me when I moved back to BC four years ago.

So, there I am still having to get ready to leave for work and feeling thoroughly defeated… and one of my two little loves….

We had a quick snuggle, I washed the crying off my face and, even though I still felt like crap, went to work.

And it was a shitty work day as I was slow and dumb for most of it…

Spiked up above 16 after lunch again (which is always weird at work cuz I’m on my feet and doing things all day). BG wouldn’t get below 12 until the evening when I felt like I was having a hypo (sweaty, shaky) and when I tested it was 5.2. Not bad yet but dropping that much in a short time (12.5mmol at 5pm to 5.2 at 7:30pm) made my body think I was having a hypoglycemic episode. Yep, even my body can fool my body. I cried the whole way home.

I was exhausted the next day. And I still had to get up and go to work. Superfuntimes. I fought all day to keep my BG below 7, after it rose to 13 before breakfast.

All I wanted last week was to be at home. So these last two days off have been wonderful. I have made myself relax and sleep and just be.

And of course, had snuggles with both tabbies…

 

 

 

I was on the edge of a low at the end of a workday last week. I realized I was starting to feel a little frantic inside. Tested at 4.6mmol. Not terrible but bad enough that the alarm was sounding in my head. Then I just stood there in the staff room, eating my granola bar so I could walk to my car and drive the half hour home.

Thinking about it after, I swear I had that ‘squirrelly’ look to me- warily looking around, hands up near my face and just munching away. Don’t try and talk to me, I am focused on this snack. Can’t talk. Eating.

 

Then a few days later I was running high, pretty much all day. When my BG is high there is nothing frantic about it. At first I thought the best comparison would be a sloth, cuz that’s how I felt the other day. Slow. But it’s kind of an insult to sloths because it’s not just slow, but clumsy-and-stupid slow.

Maybe something more like a beetle.

Here in southern BC we’re into autumn and what us locals call ‘stink bug season’. What we are referring to is not a true stink bug but a western conifer seed bug. (They do have this piney-salty stink/spray when crushed, hence ‘stink bug’).

The western conifer seed bug (aka stink bug) is a multi-shaded brown beetle that crawls and flies and gets into everything this time of year. In the fall and winter, with the colder weather, they become a little stunned and move slowly. They become clumsier and plod along, trying really hard to do whatever they do but mostly just getting in the way and falling on their backs and not knowing how to get up again.

The other day that is what a high BG felt like for me. Plodding along, trying really hard but feeling slow and feel dumb and pretty useless. Brain was trying really hard but I may as well be moving and thinking through molasses.

Aiming for human status today…

Emotional tonight.

Because all I could think about during the end of the meeting I was at after work was:

“My Lantus is at home, my dose is now gonna be more than 3 hrs late.” “My BG will be high because I had some cookies after dinner.” “I’m really tired right now, is that because my BG is high or because I’ve been awake since 5am?”

Pretty sure I missed most of the end of the meeting.

It’s tedious and never-ending and I don’t even want to share these thoughts ‘cuz they’re depressing. I feel overwhelmed. I know, I’ve managed so far and I’ve learned a lot.

But I really want my old life back.

 

Don’t know what I was thinking. Too much rapid with breakfast. Not a lot but should’ve just dosed what I did yesterday. Still trying to figure out the oatmeal. 9mmol 1 hr after breakfast. Leaving for work, having half a granola bar on my way (15g).

~~

Hour later and it’s still dropping- 7.3. Another 20g now. I really don’t want anything else to eat right now.

Did a bit of research on steel cut oats because the last couple of times I had it it has spiked my BG. Found out the count I had done for it was waaay off.

I had assumed it would have the same carbs as other hot cereals (3/4cup=15g). Nope. 1/2cup=25 from what I’m reading from various sites online. Hell, that explains the spikes.

~~

Ok, almost 2 hrs later and I’m at 6.7, which is great but makes me nervous, wondering if it’s going to drop more. I have to leave for work in about 30mins (11am). Planning to have lunch when I get to work at noon so really don’t want to snack now..

I hate panicking about eating/when to eat.. gonna head to work and if I feel it dropping I’ll pull over and deal..

~~

7.2 when I got to work. 1 unit with 45g lunch (expect working to also help lower it, as usual). But 2 hrs later it’s up to 14.4. Why? Fuck. Anyway, got it back down in the afternoon…